Do you ever feel that undercurrent of subtle ‘pressure’ from social media, marketing and online influencers when it comes to clothing?
And if you produce video content, or go live frequently, maybe you consider whether it’s ok to wear the same top for a few videos in a row? Or wonder whether people might recognise the brand and judge you?
These were things I used to think about…a lot.
I’d worry about my training videos in case someone noticed that my top was from a supermarket, or that I’d worn it before.
As I’ve healed over the past few years, I’ve realised how this was all tied up with a fear of judgement. I also felt a deep sense of shame. I had been judged as a child for wearing second-hand clothing…”second-hand Sue” and if I wore anything old, I felt those same feelings coming back…”I’m not worthy…I’m poor…I need to prove to people I’ve got money…there’s not enough…I’M not enough”
When I started showing up more online, I’d make sure I was wearing ‘this seasons’ top from a more upmarket brand…because then people would think better of me. I’d look like I was doing well. I’ve always tried my best to be authentic, but this was one area I struggled with.
In this pic, I’m wearing a black and white spotty shirt dress from ‘New Look’ which is about 9 years old. It’s ‘old’ in today’s terms of fast fashion, but is in perfectly good condition and fits beautifully, allowing for the gentle growth of my middle in peri-menopause.
A few years ago, I would never had let on how old my clothes were…feeling embarrassed and ashamed at some level. And I would NEVER have worn second-hand clothes. On the days I wore older clothes or supermarket brands, I’d avoid taking photos or recording videos.
Today though, I have a new perspective on this and it feels so freeing.
When you heal from the inside out, you realise that no matter how many new, expensive clothes you throw on, they won’t make you feel worthy and abundant.
Sure, sometimes new things can feel good and it’s totally OK to desire nice things. We all have a favourite outfit which makes us feel happy, or like to ‘dress up’ for an event or date. But when it’s all tied up with self-worth issues and fear of judgment, it can be an expensive problem.
So if you’ve ever felt the same, here are some tips…
Be anti-consumerism/materialism. We are constantly marketed to, often in really shitty, manipulative ways, and when you struggle with self-worth issues, it’s even harder to escape the hamster wheel of buying stuff to feel better – heck, we’re actively sold the story that stuff will make our lives better. Errrr, NOPE! In fact, a series of studies published in the journal Motivation and Emotion showed that as people become more materialistic, their wellbeing (good relationships, autonomy, sense of purpose and the rest) diminishes. As they become less materialistic, it rises. Not to mention all the influencers sharing photos of their designer shopping bags. It’s a shopping bag. WHAT HAVE WE BECOME.Wear what the F you like. Who gives a flip what you’re wearing? And if they do judge, well, they’re really not worth your energy and headspace! If you want to wear supermarket clothes, then good for you. If you avoid fast fashion and buy pre-loved clothing, you should be applauded, If you love buying new but choose sustainable fashion, whoop, If you ‘make do and mend’, go you! Mending things we love feels so nurturing and it an act of self-kindness in itself.Heal…and keep healing. When you have a centered and grounded sense of self-worth, you realise that what you wear doesn’t define who you are, you care less about what other people think, and realise that you are worthy and deserving regardless of whether you rock up in a pre-loved dress, an old top and leggings, or a new designer outfit.Abundance starts with U. This message is currently on my office lightboard to remind me to embody how abundance feels. It comes from within…not from what I’m wearing or how much money I have. Expressing appreciation and gratitude for what you have in your life is so good for your overall sense of fulfilment and contentment. When we’re constantly ‘chasing’ things, we overlook the riches in our lives here and now.
As you can probably guess, this is all tied up with money mindset too, and until we start to address how we feel about money, worth and abundance, we will continue to experience fear, shame or embarrassment.
It can affect how we show up online, what we charge for products and services, how we feel about our peers (impostor syndrome) and so many more things.
So if you can relate to having that fear of judgement around what you’re wearing or what you look like, keep working on yourself darling, you’re worth it. My ‘Worthy & Wealthy’ mini-course can help you understand why loving yourself is the #1 most important thing you can ever do, and so much more. Enrol FREE here.